Yes but No.

It's been a few months since writing so I revisited my first impressions to see how they've held up.

I'd still say that "Smile and Nod" is the national motto. At least now I understand it a bit better. Since starting lessons to learn the Cambodian language ("Khmer") I've discovered that "yes" can mean:
- yes
- yes, I did hear you
- okay
- maybe
- uh huh
- ummmmm
and even:
- no.

It is maddeningly confusing so I am slowly collecting other indicators of comprehension. E.g., blank stare? Gaping mouth? Shifty eyes? These yes's likely mean, "WTF did you just say?" Or, "I don't know but I'd rather get run over by an SUV than admit it." Or perhaps, "Can I go crawl in a hole now? This question is making me uncomfortable."

Instead of demanding a direct answer, I try to reroute and ask in a different way, or smile back and slowly abort. I had heard about cultures wanting to save face, but it is a dizzying concept when actually encountered.

I picked up a book of cultural tips and taboos called "DOs & DON'Ts in Cambodia" and it reveals that "Silence means 'No'":

"Cambodians do not like to say 'no' and will really avoid saying it. This means there is a 'yes', which is the affirmative and a 'yes' which is a polite way of saying 'no'...Silence means a definite no and that the person dissociates him/herself from the issue completely...Some people will say 'yes' to please you...but really it should be understood as 'no'."

Thus, I must say it is counter-intuitive when the book later instructs:

"DON'T expect people to be able to 'read between the lines' - be clear and explicit in your requests."

The subtleties of the language aren't the only challenge. I'm also trying to learn the alphabet, which is phonetic (yay!) but has 23 vowels (boo...) And to my untrained ear, they sound like a cassette tape getting tangled. My tutor is very kind and patient with me. I think he notices when my brain is about to explode, 30 minutes into the evening lessons, and he goes off on little storytelling tangents from Buddhist tales or cultural lessons. He was a monk for 12 years, an unusually long time in Cambodia.

From the various snippets I've heard about becoming a monk, it seems like a common choice for people who do not have enough money to put themselves through school. The temple is a place to sleep and study, though I've heard that monks rely on their morning rounds, visiting houses and businesses and giving blessings, to beg for food.

I still have so much I don't understand and so much to learn. I can't remember if Egypt was this confusing at first. In Egypt, emotions are so outward. The loudest, fiercest man wins. I observed many shouting marathons that persevered until the most red-faced vein-popping finger-waggling contestant reached near-foaming point and unnerved his or her opponent. The argument deflated, the battle was won.

In Cambodia, it seems that everything is done with smiles and stone-faced submission. When driving, people are constantly cutting each other off but there is no visible road rage or retaliation. In Egypt, a relatively safe country (at least before the revolution), that would merit honking, shouting, or physical threats (e.g., a man banging on our taxi window while removing his belt).

Still unable to comprehend anything, I can't tell a friendly conversation from a row. In the section of my book called "Displays of anger" it commands:

"DON'T DO IT - NEVER DO IT - A MAJOR MISTAKE. It is regarded as impolite to speak loudly or to show anger or any form of violent behaviour...Whatever the situation, the foreigner is advised to keep smiling at all times!! ...As in any other Buddhist country displays of anger are a sign of lack of control."

How do people not burst under this pressure?